Dear Facebook,
I’m sorry, but this thing we have just isn’t working out. I know you’re trying to bring people together, but really you’re nothing more than a college alumni magazine on crack and I just can’t deal with all your TMI anymore. No, I don’t need to know how many hairballs your cat spat-up today. No, I don’t care what you had for breakfast. And no, I really don’t need to see photos of the four orphan goldfish you rescued from a third-world country. You need to learn some boundaries, Facebook. Seriously.
Your obsession with reciprocation irks me. I can only be friends with someone if they friend me back. But what if I want to follow the goings-on of someone so supremely awesome that I don’t care if they want to friend me back? Sometimes, like any good fan-girl, all I want is to bask in the glow, and there’s nothing wrong with that except that you won’t let me.
And then, of course, there’s the issue of dear Great-Aunt Sally, who friended me yesterday, bless her heart. I knew our days together were numbered, Facebook, the minute all my relatives over retirement age decided to jump on your little bandwagon. I do not need to be poked by Grandpa Harold. (Did I mention that this “poking” feature seriously freaks me out? You couldn’t think of a better word than “poke” could you, Facebook?)
Still, I must admit that we did have our good times, though can’t think of any at the moment. Don’t worry, Facebook. I’m not leaving you entirely; I’ll still use you when it’s convenient, but ditch you as soon as you start acting stupid. I hope that’s alright.
See, it all comes down to this: I’ve found someone new. It’s name is Twitter. And it seriously rocks.
BTW–here’s one of those little heartbreak icons just for you. Enjoy.
Call me Gabi (pronounced gah-BEE). I'm a writer, freelance teacher, and a lover of books and words. I'm also the instigator of DIY MFA. iggi's my sidekick, but he thinks he's the brains behind this operation.
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Comments on this post
Hilarious!! I've never done Facebook and I bet with in 3 years they will be like Myspace.
10. February - 1:44 pmLove this post! I keep wanting to ditch FB because I barely use it. Does anyone else get Facebook anxiety–this feeling like you should respond to people but it's just too overwhelming b/c there's too many people and it's a serious time sucker?
10. February - 2:18 pmL.A. Colvin Wait… what's this mai-spayse thing you speak of? 😉
Jenny Hah! I totally get Facebook anxiety too. For me it manifests as a nagging worry that Great-Aunt Sally will be majorly offended if I don't comment on every single photo she posts of the doilies she knits from hair shed by her cats. (I know… ew, right?)
10. February - 2:33 pmLol I love that.
Facebook and I sort of drifted appart after I met Blogger.
🙂
10. February - 3:36 pmI hate stupid poking!! ANd I have left twice but I went back b/c my best friend moved to Flroida : ( bah!
10. February - 4:28 pmand I can't spell today- Facebook's fault
10. February - 4:28 pmI think Facebook has its place. I connect with my family and church friends through it, but it doesn't take over my life. I like blogging better; it has more substance for me as a writer wanting to connect with other writers.
Very humorous post!
10. February - 6:14 pmAnn Best, Author
lol. Though I do have to say Facebook is a good way for getting in touch with random people whose real contact info you don't have, but generally I avoid going on because it is huge distraction monster (and there are so many other things to get distracted by online!).
10. February - 6:34 pmI'm not going to lie, Facebook and I never hit it off to begin with. Now Blogger and I, psh, that's a different story. Although he does demand a good amount of commitment…more so than you'd think. ;D
10. February - 9:40 pmLove it! Awesome post 🙂
10. February - 11:30 pmI'll admit though, I do use FB. Only to keep in touch with people I really know though. And I don't find it to be too much of a time suck coz I just have a quick look at the news feed and that's it. Blogger and Twitter are for meeting new writing friends, and take up way more time for me.
Great post -but I feel obligated to FB now, it's how I keep tabs on my kids and keep up with my friends. But I find myself posting less and less. Twitter, I signed up, but don't seem to keep up with it. Too much "real-time" movement perhaps. Blogging – that's what I love!
11. February - 2:16 amWho pokes anymore anyway? I don't like Facebook that much either. I was really into it during college but now…eh. I much prefer Twitter and blogging to connect with people!
11. February - 3:04 amHaha, all the more reason for me NOT to join Facebook (I've been holding out). Then again, I've been holding out regarding Twitter, too. Blogging keeps me plenty busy!
13. February - 12:17 am