14 Feb

My Funny Valentine: A Contest!

Posted in Kid Lit, Literature, Reading, Teen Lit

I’m one of those people who utterly detests Valentine’s day.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a wonderful valentine in my life for going on ten years now, so it’s not out of bitterness that I dislike this holiday so much.  Mostly it’s because of logistics; this grotesque little holiday falls two days before my birthday.  Every year.  I also have serious issues with a holiday that encourages numerous affronts to the English language in the form of cheesy song lyrics, sappy monologues and bad poetry.

Someone needs to do something to improve the overall literary quality of Valentine’s day and I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way to accomplish this is by having a CONTEST!!!

What you need to do:  Write a valentine from one literary character to another and post it in the comments.  Easy right?  Here are a few more details:

  • Contest is Open Until: Precisely 11:59pm EST on Feb. 16 at which time I will close comments on this post.
  • Finalists:  Will be selected by moi, and will be announced on Saturday, Feb 19.  Once I announce the finalists, I’ll set up a poll so everyone can vote for the Grand Poobah of Valentine Literary Awesome.  I will post to let you know when the poll opens.
  • Prize:  $15 Amazon.com Gift Card to the Grand Prize Winner!
    Get extra bonus points and kudos in the first round if you: 
    • Use characters from children’s literature or teen literature.
    • Pair two unlikely valentines in such a way that it goes from bizarre to deliciously ridiculous!
    • Make me laugh so hard I snort milk out of my nose.
    • Make me sob so much I think my heart might break.
    • (But really, I like laughing better than sobbing.  Just FYI.)

    Ready… Set… Write!


    Comments on this post

    1. Patti Struble says:

      Wow, okay, I seriously couldn't resist this. How fun!! Here goes….

      From Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde

      You left the milk on the table,
      I did not put it away.
      I was not able.

      You tossed the laundry,
      Broke the vase.
      You even jumped up
      On my work-space.

      Still, you brought me yet another gift.
      Half-beaten man from over the rift.

      Now the lab’s all a-twitter,
      We, we’re not quitters.

      His heart will go; lungs & brain too.
      For these gifts, I give to you.


      1. Orlando says:

        My head aches, my heart pounds.
        I think of you and my stomach turns upside down.

        I can feel it moving inside of me,
        you must be my Valentine because the doctor hears a heart beat.

        If he's born kind of fury its not my fault.
        The werewolf kissed me when you ran off.

        Jacob the werewolf help me when you were gone,
        But Edward, my boo, your the one from whom I want a spawn.

        I'm still your Bella and I still want your bite,
        So don't worry how furry will be this little tyke.

        1. Kemendraugh says:

          From Tigger to Kanga:

          I don't have a mama, and I'm not Roo.
          But I sure love bouncing in on you!
          You guys are my family. Like it or not.
          And you're the best family I ever did got.
          I can't write much, and I can't spell more
          That doesn't matter, it's you I adore
          I want you to know you're special today
          Well, you're special all days but this day especially special, okay?
          So here's a valentine's ditty
          Because you're quite pretty
          To Kanga (and Roo the little pest)
          (I didn't mean that I just needed it to rhyme.
          (Poets say things like that all of the time)
          Like I said, Kanga, and Roo the pest.
          Poems is what Tiggers do best!

          1. Kulsuma says:

            Your berating I shan't forget
            Much like that first day we met

            The truth is you ARE handsome enough to tempt me
            Just why oh why did it take my my head and heart so long to agree?

            Your luscious smile, those fine, fine eyes,
            My consuming love for you- no longer can I disguise

            You shine more brightly than your counterparts
            None of them are as versed as you in their arts

            I knew you were the one the day you snubbed me,
            Sounds weird I know, but it opened my eyes finally

            I tried and tried to get you out of my head,
            But I kept picturing us in…wed-

            Your prejudice and my pride
            Kept you from becoming my bride.

            I went away from you as far as I could
            But fate's fate-turned out you were in my neighbourhood.

            Yeah it was awkward but it got better
            And now here I am writing you this poem/letter.

            Dear Lizzie, my sweetheart, won't you be mine
            This valentine?

            -Your not-so-secret admirer,

            hehe that was fun to write!

            1. Michelle says:

              Hmmm….. which to choose? They're all really cute!

              And now, for a sidebar:
              Hey, my surprise is finally here! Any author who wants to can add info to my author showcase!


              1. Dave Symonds says:

                To Harry Potter

                Dobby is extremely fond
                Of Harry and his waving wand.
                And Dobby always gave support
                As Harry fought Lord Voldemort

                While at the Malfoy’s alma mater
                He was freed by Harry Potter
                Luscious Malfoy was in shock
                When Dobby got that dirty sock

                Although Dobby is a goner
                Dobby feels it was an honor
                Helping Harry to the end
                As a free elf and his friend

                Your friend
                – Dobby the Free Elf

                1. Jessica says:

                  From Jessica in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

                  Dearest husband (maybe more appropriately son),
                  Who knew the oracle'd be right and you'd be the one?
                  My new love to cherish, my dear Valentine.
                  Offed your pop, and now you're mine.
                  Not absurd at all, our marriage and kin,
                  Here to display our ultimate sin.

                  1. Charles says:

                    From Charles in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

                    You and I were shot by an arrow from Cupid,
                    We had four children, all of them stupid.

                    (And a bit of low-brow humor…)

                    For nine long months, I felt you inside me.
                    After all these years, nothing has changed.

                    1. April says:

                      From April in EGL 102-AD/CD1:

                      In the morning, I am quite boring.
                      The sun shines bright, with overpowering light.
                      Your eyes are the same,
                      As one near your fame.
                      Is it my hun
                      or is it my son?
                      I n'er know what you seen now
                      No, me.

                      1. Prof. Bragg says:

                        From Prof. Bragg, EGL 102-AD/CD1:

                        Love found after love
                        Grief and misery remain
                        Baby Man of mine

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