10 Feb

Dear Facebook: It’s not Me, It’s You…

Posted in Social Media, Twitter

Dear Facebook,

I’m sorry, but this thing we have just isn’t working out.  I know you’re trying to bring people together, but really you’re nothing more than a college alumni magazine on crack and I just can’t deal with all your TMI anymore.  No, I don’t need to know how many hairballs your cat spat-up today.  No, I don’t care what you had for breakfast.  And no, I really don’t need to see photos of the four orphan goldfish you rescued from a third-world country.  You need to learn some boundaries, Facebook.  Seriously.

Your obsession with reciprocation irks me.  I can only be friends with someone if they friend me back.  But what if I want to follow the goings-on of someone so supremely awesome that I don’t care if they want to friend me back?  Sometimes, like any good fan-girl, all I want is to bask in the glow, and there’s nothing wrong with that except that you won’t let me.

And then, of course, there’s the issue of dear Great-Aunt Sally, who friended me yesterday, bless her heart.  I knew our days together were numbered, Facebook, the minute all my relatives over retirement age decided to jump on your little bandwagon.  I do not need to be poked by Grandpa Harold.  (Did I mention that this “poking” feature seriously freaks me out?  You couldn’t think of a better word than “poke” could you, Facebook?)

Still, I must admit that we did have our good times, though can’t think of any at the moment.  Don’t worry, Facebook.  I’m not leaving you entirely; I’ll still use you when it’s convenient, but ditch you as soon as you start acting stupid.  I hope that’s alright.

See, it all comes down to this: I’ve found someone new.  It’s name is Twitter.  And it seriously rocks.

BTW–here’s one of those little heartbreak icons just for you.  Enjoy.


Comments on this post

  1. L.A. Colvin says:

    Hilarious!! I've never done Facebook and I bet with in 3 years they will be like Myspace.

    1. Jenny Torres Sanchez says:

      Love this post! I keep wanting to ditch FB because I barely use it. Does anyone else get Facebook anxiety–this feeling like you should respond to people but it's just too overwhelming b/c there's too many people and it's a serious time sucker?

      1. Gabriela Pereira says:

        L.A. Colvin Wait… what's this mai-spayse thing you speak of? 😉

        Jenny Hah! I totally get Facebook anxiety too. For me it manifests as a nagging worry that Great-Aunt Sally will be majorly offended if I don't comment on every single photo she posts of the doilies she knits from hair shed by her cats. (I know… ew, right?)

        1. Misha says:

          Lol I love that.

          Facebook and I sort of drifted appart after I met Blogger.


          1. Bekah says:

            I hate stupid poking!! ANd I have left twice but I went back b/c my best friend moved to Flroida : ( bah!

            1. Bekah says:

              and I can't spell today- Facebook's fault

              1. Ann Best says:

                I think Facebook has its place. I connect with my family and church friends through it, but it doesn't take over my life. I like blogging better; it has more substance for me as a writer wanting to connect with other writers.

                Very humorous post!
                Ann Best, Author

                1. Cacy says:

                  lol. Though I do have to say Facebook is a good way for getting in touch with random people whose real contact info you don't have, but generally I avoid going on because it is huge distraction monster (and there are so many other things to get distracted by online!).

                  1. Madeline says:

                    I'm not going to lie, Facebook and I never hit it off to begin with. Now Blogger and I, psh, that's a different story. Although he does demand a good amount of commitment…more so than you'd think. ;D

                    1. SariBelle says:

                      Love it! Awesome post 🙂
                      I'll admit though, I do use FB. Only to keep in touch with people I really know though. And I don't find it to be too much of a time suck coz I just have a quick look at the news feed and that's it. Blogger and Twitter are for meeting new writing friends, and take up way more time for me.

                      1. Sheila Siler says:

                        Great post -but I feel obligated to FB now, it's how I keep tabs on my kids and keep up with my friends. But I find myself posting less and less. Twitter, I signed up, but don't seem to keep up with it. Too much "real-time" movement perhaps. Blogging – that's what I love!

                        1. Ghenet says:

                          Who pokes anymore anyway? I don't like Facebook that much either. I was really into it during college but now…eh. I much prefer Twitter and blogging to connect with people!

                          1. Carol Riggs says:

                            Haha, all the more reason for me NOT to join Facebook (I've been holding out). Then again, I've been holding out regarding Twitter, too. Blogging keeps me plenty busy!

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